Tuesday morning began dark and early with a double shot of Peptac and a pep talk from Barney as I toddled off to the station to go to my first work based networky event. I had meetings lined up with potential new suppliers and a glitzy party to attend and was going in off the back of two nights lying awake stressing and feeling sick with reflux dramas again. Not the best start you’ll have to agree.

So I went, I saw, I started small, en route to feeling like I could conquer by having a chat with a man about some water filters before building up to the big stuff like indemnities, RFP’s, duty of care and malaria. By the time I’d gone through my scheduled appointments I was feeling on a roll and skipped off back to my hotel Rydges Kensington (positively lush) for a little power nap pre-party. The bed in my room was so wide it took two roll overs to get from one side to the other, although it took me doing three roll overs and ending up on the floor to calculate that… I woke up still feeling a bit ropey but had to put on my big girl panties and get down to reception for our transfer to Madame Tussaud’s for the shindig. Having shrieked with fright at the show when a human statue tapped me on the shoulder mid meeting, it’s fair to say I was a bit (a lot) freaked out by the idea of being surrounded by waxworks, particularly Amitabh Bachchan who looked freaky as FUCK. The Amadeus angels were bringing round G&T’s and V&T’s and the iPhones were out in full swing as people were snapping away.

I was impressed by Kate Winslet,

Great rack...

Great rack…

Blown away by Judi Dench,

To be fair, I saw her from across the room so didn't see the plastic fantastic hands!

To be fair, I saw her from across the room so didn’t see the plastic fantastic hands until I got closer!

FREAKED OUT by Justin Bieber – sooooo girly!

This is all shades of wrong, right?

This is all shades of wrong, right?

And a little bit sad to see Princess Diana tucked away in a darkened corner away from everyone else. I didn’t know a soul at the party so was really grateful when one of the suppliers I’d been talking to came and took me under his wing before chastising me for grabbing a wine and an iced water from the free bar. Having offered to get me a drink from the bar, when he found out I wanted a water he, as a Scotsman, took much chagrin and told me to get my own drink – the cheeky fecker! It felt a bit naughty being in the building after hours and being able to get properly up close and personal with the waxworks (Oh poor Johnny Wilkinson in his ball kicking thumbs out measuring pose that makes him look like he’s begging to be bummed). There were those of us who were sensible (boring?) and nursed a couple of glasses of wine over the course of the evening, those of us who got stuck in on the beers but managed to call it a night just in time (the Scotsman) and finally there was the shaded lady…

She was absolutely bollixed beyond all belief. Wearing sunglasses at night indoors and being unable to stand upright without swaying is normally a good sign that you’re a bit lubricated. Standing underneath Tom Daley’s waxwork swaying gently whilst going ‘wooooo’ at the simulated swimming pool at half past eight at night still wearing sunglasses is normally a good sign that it might be time to switch to water.

We were impressed by his armpit hair!

We were impressed by his armpit hair!

Bimbling down the stairs before bumping into this guy:

Jonah Lomu, beefy and beauts.

Jonah Lomu, beefy and beauts.

and then proceeding to rant at him for getting in your way because you fail to realise he is in fact, a waxwork, is a sign it’s time to get in a cab and head home to bed. I was convinced she was going to pass out behind a waxwork and get locked in for the night so I had a quiet word with the cloakroom lady on the way out. When she asked for a description so she could keep an eye out, I just said “sunglasses, absolutely shitfaced”. I’m so classy.

The next morning at the exhibition I was joined by a colleague and we were both really chuffed to stumble across the massage stand, a cheeky shoulder massage and we felt ready to face the day. Meetings done we headed for the tube hopping on at West Brompton however even though we coordinate international travel on a daily basis, lovely colleague and I still managed to get lost and ended up right back where we started at Earl’s Court on the platform wheezing with laughter as we were so completely disorientated. We eventually managed to get ourselves back to Waterloo and on a train heading in the right direction and by the time I got home even though my bed is small and a bit lumpy I’ve never felt more grateful to sink into it and pull the covers over my head…