I’m not skinny/pretty/sparkly/sexy/outgoing/adventurous/etc etc etc enough and I’ll never be able to compete with my friends who are skinny/pretty/sparkly/sexy/outgoing/adventurous wah wah wah repeat ad infinitum until I’d quite gladly stick a pair of tweezers into my right ear and pull out my brain.
I need to fucking stop it. It drives me mental; it drives my friends potty as I wang on about it and they tell me otherwise whilst willing me to believe it (but they’re far too nice to tell me that). It puts me on a hiding to nothing and is like being sat in a rocking chair, it keeps me busy BUT I DON’T GET ANYWHERE!
It goes a bit like this: compare compare compare, despair despair despair. Then add in a bit more despair because I’m despairing about comparing myself to those around me when I need to quit it and then I end up in a big soggy heap sobbing like a giant baby with snot pouring out of my nose. On the whole I’m doing a LOT better at not beating myself up but sometimes it comes out of nowhere and before I know it, I think I’m a troll who needs to go and live under a bridge away from the world at large to do them all a favour. This weekend has been particularly bad for it and combined with a poorly nephew in hospital who thankfully is being discharged today, well suffice it to say I feel like I’ve been through the wringer. Eyes like pee holes in the snow, stuffed up schnozz and in need of a cuddle. Bad times dudes, bad times.
Last night I built a duvet fort and snuggled under it to watch a movie, this morning I swung the kettlebell about to get some endorphins going and I’m about to give myself a pedicure – all in an attempt to not be such a whiny little bitch who doesn’t realise what she has going for her or how lucky she is.
Hmmm. I have known depression over the past three years. I used to think it would NEVER happen to me – I am so even-keeled, so positive, so very energetic! But ever since having my baby, stopping with the hormonal baby pills and dealing with several moves to different countries I now have PMDD. I did not even know what that was before my husband told me that I had been unhappy for the past three years and that I should do something about it. I started noting down changes and this month is going to be the first time I am actually aware of the pattern. We will see if THAT changes anything. Anyway – having now been on both sides of the fence I know it is difficult to stop yourself from being depressed. If one does not acknowledge it then it is absolutely impossible! But knowing the triggers, knowing the patterns and recognizing them is the first step towards planning a counter attack. I would say that the first thing I would try in your shoes is stopping with the “I am not”s and “I have not”s. Instead try the “I am”s and “I have”s. “I have beautiful hair!” “I have great friends!” “I am tall and stately!” “I have a great sense of humour!” etc. These are just a few to get you started.
But you have probably already tried these anyway. 
Also… About comparing yourself to others. I stopped doing it when I realised that everyone was doing it. What is the point of me comparing myself when I am already being compared by other people?! And more often than not you come up top in other people’s comparisons! We do not know what goes on in other people’s lives, we do not know what it takes them to be so skinny or why they are behaving in an overtly sexual way. So, unless you REALLY want to live someone else’s life, I’d say there is no point in comparing yourself to someone else. They have lived their lives and evolved in a way that is theirs. You, in turn, have evolved in your own way and while it might not include the skinny or sexy, it does involve other delightful adjectives. I let other people be more beautiful, because they have earned it, or just gotten lucky with the gene pool. Either way it is not MY life or gene pool. Comparing yourself to others is a slippery slope (as you definitely have heard a million times before) and I simply try to not even go there. Especially if one is not in a particularily positive state of mind, then it is only a certain path to misery. And misery is not where you want to live, right?