Never Return to the scene of a crime, never go back to an unexploded firework, never go on another date with a guy you met with a few years back and weren’t really that interested in just because he is handsome, taller than you, and has the winning combination of brown hair and blue eyes.
I was surprised to hear from him to be honest, very surprised in fact, given that our last encounter saw me ask to lick his teeth, yep he’s that guy. He messaged me because we’re still both floating around the same dating app like farts in the wind and it seemed like a good idea at the time to get together for a drink, what harm could it do. Well no harm was wrought but I’ve learnt my lesson.
On our last date he talked non stop about his frankly very boring job and I struggled to get a word in so did what seemed best which was get scuttered on white wine and think about whether he’d shut up if we were having sexy times. I drew the conclusion that he probably wouldn’t, he’d still be banging on about sub-prime lending as if that’s what gets a girl going in the sack. So what I was thinking when I agreed to round two I’ll never know, but then again what was he thinking wanting to come back to the woman who licked his teeth in a hotel car park?
We went to a local marina for some drinks and in a startling change to our last tête-à-tête he was quiet. Quiet to the point of rudeness. He wasn’t brandishing a bag of throat sweets so he clearly didn’t have the lurgy that’s been sweeping my little corner of the world but I’m not sure what was up. Given a rent-a-gob like me silence to fill when I don’t know someone well enough to sit in silence with them is just asking for trouble and so I’m very relieved to report that I didn’t ask him anything ridiculous, nor offer to suck his toes or stick my tongue in his ear. We managed to while away a couple of excruciating hours before I thought it was a polite time to make a break for it and went home and got sloshed on gin.
So blow me down with a feather when he only got in touch again today to ask if I’d like to do it again. What, sit in almost silence as if we’re on a date in a library? Mate, no offence, but I’ve got better things I can be doing with my time. Like organising my sock drawer, labelling my tins, or going on a date with an adult baby.