I think I’ve missed the relationship boat and am going to be left treading water in the sea of life waiting for Mr Right. Perhaps I’ll hit the jackpot and end up living in a poky little flat with cats and a chip on my shoulder the size of Manhattan or maybe it’s the skid row equivalent for me: living in the granny annexe at my parent’s house for the rest of my days.
It may seem a tad dramatic however I’ve pretty much burnt my bridges in the usual places one might meet a mate. All through college and my disastrous attempt at Uni I was too enamoured with nourishing my eating disorder and well, being a bit mental to cultivate any love connections. But of course now I am ‘grown up’ there is always the illicitness of an office romance, making eyes at each other over the cubby dividers, having romantic rendezvous at lunch and sneaking kisses in the stationery cupboard! It’s just a shame that I work with a plethora of women and the few men that are around are either married, or gay which means I can kiss goodbye to the idea of spicing up my 9-5!
Quite a lot of people meet partners through friends in either jolly social scenarios or awkward blind date type affairs. I forsee a couple of problems with the ‘met through mates’ love connection; one being that all of my friends are coupled up and are friends with couples (it’s like 6 degrees of coupledom!) so hot eligible men are thin on the ground, the second being that it would be almighty shades of awkward if a love connection of this sort broke down acrimoniously!
I would wager that most people do the standard of meeting potential bed buddies whilst out on the beers but unfortunately for yours truly if I’m out on the vino I’m either in coupledom or surrounded by the Stags of my Manor – neither of which is conducive to male attention. The other spanner regarding getting hold of someone whilst in town is that due to a total lack of self-esteem, if a man shows interest in me I always believe that it is because he is determined to win the ‘Pull a Pig’ competition. That’s always been my issue though, I remember being about 17 and in a nightclub with 600+ fit male Hockey players and a handsome older man offered to buy me a drink, completely ignoring my nubile Blonde friend. I declined the drink even though I was parched, made some awkward small talk in which he claimed to know of my brother and then I left abruptly not wanting to secure his victory in pulling said pig. It turned out I was wrong, he did know of my brother and tracked me down through him a few weeks later. Even after all that effort I still didn’t believe his intentions were honourable so gave him the brush off. Frankly, I’m doomed.
There is a gentleman currently causing a frisson of excitement in my girls parts who perhaps more excitingly also causes mental stimulation via the medium of intelligent conversation and is a hottie to boot – an all round triple threat. However K isn’t a threat at all, he’s quite a safe choice because hell will freeze over and Gordon Brown will become universally popular before anything would ever happen between us. And that’s alright with me because at the moment it’s nice to dream rather than face up to the reality of trying to pull with a body that looks like a melted wax candle….