‘Uncross your legs…

You’re crushing my breakfast’ is one of the Good Doctor’s favourite chat-up lines however I can’t in a million years envisage him using it on anybody such is the disgustingly sleazy nature of it. It is however an award winning line as the halls bar sex quiz of ’02 was conquered by that little gem. I say ‘award winning’, actually it was Smirnoff Ice keyrings with the Judder man on who I was and still am scared of that became our prizes. When the Good Doctor dropped it as an answer it caused much hilarity and so we musn’t denigrate it purely because of the greasy old man in a flasher mac connotations it brings to mind.

If delivered with aplomb I think cheesy chat-up lines can be successful, only if it is instantly apparent that the plucky person doing the delivering has their tongue firmly in cheek. However as someone who has never been the recipient of a chat-up line I am of course merely postulating about their intention and success. On the flip side I have never doled out a line to a bar hopping hottie either so perhaps I don’t quite have the correct qualifications to be talking about it to begin with!

My technique with men has been carefully honed and crafted through the years to enable me to exude a sense of RIOT GRRL attitude, an aura of ‘I’m independent and don’t need a man’ and a whole lotta sarcasm. I believe harking back to my previously mentioned astounding lack of self-esteem for a moment can provide some answers, or at least some clues! I’ve never believed that a man could like me for being me but god forbid that a man, or anyone for that matter, saw weakness or vulnerability in me and so sarcasm and attitude became my ultimate defence mechanism. When in the company of a boy with boy bits who makes my girl bits tingle I enjoy taking the piss, teasing and generally being a bit of a twat. The reasoning behind it is thus: If a man can put up with my defensive, snippy sarcasm then he must really like me.

I wish I could be like my best girl Marmaloid, a natural-born flirt if ever there was one, but totally harmless with it. She can relate to men regardless if they make her girls bits zing without having to be on the defensive or resorting to baby talk and girlish helplessness. Perhaps this whole shrinking malarky can make me value myself a bit more and as such perfect my glittering conversational and flirtational skills in order to help me land a man? Or perhaps I should stop concentrating on the state of my love life and get back to fretting over the size of my arse and the fact that I am still on a plateau….

Lady Headstrong came into her own today as ‘chief flirtatious message author’ and advised that I send K a message in which I referenced him being a dreamboat. Of course I chickened out! I did manage to describe the image he’d painted as being ‘disgustingly attractive’ which I thought was a fairly good compromise. I was even brave and added an ‘x’ at the end and then spent the next few minutes regretting it and imagining he’d tell me off for doing it. You can imagine my surprise when approximately ten torturous minutes later I got a response that was (according to Lady H) flirtatious and *does dance* had a single little ‘x’ at the end!

P.S) Yes I know I’m acting like a 12 year old teenybopper but he’s a cutie and for some reason I’m not constantly on the defensive with him.

P.P.S) I don’t have anything else to say other than Hi to the Good Doctor! x


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