I’ve now been 2 months and 5 days without a crazy girl pill and I believe ladies & gentlemen that I have now reached a crescendo of madness and need to be put down. A nice peaceful injection is too good for me, at the moment I feel like I should be written up as T.O.B.A.S.H (take out back and shoot!) just to stop myself from feeling like I’m being bounced about like a pinball in a flashy, flickering machine. At work today I wanted to plug headphones playing very loud white noise in to my ears to drown out the nonsense going on in my swede. I’m twenty frickin’ six years old, I should have a life plan and yet my head (which apparently looks positively EMACIATED) is trying to convince me that all the plans I’ve made should be scrapped.
Just today my head has bounced through teaching (primary/secondary/state/private/overseas); jacking it all in to live in a kibbutz and write a bestseller; study anthropology and work for the UN; follow my relative in to the Foreign Office; work in publishing in London (Bridget Jones fantasy much?!); train in art history and work in a museum; move to Brighton to smoke lots of weed and pierce things; stay in my current job and rot; move to London and work in boring administration; become a plus size model and make my fortune; work for Benefit cosmetics; move to London; stay in Southampton; blah blah blah!
I was almost in tears from the neurons bashing round inside my skull. I’m so fed up, all I want is to make a decision about what to do with my life, AND STICK TO IT AND KNOW IT’S RIGHT AND BE HAPPY ABOUT IT!! That is surely not too much to ask? Hmm, maybe it’s time to hit the mood stabilisers again…..
In other news, today I found out that I have a job interview next week (panic panic panic!) and told Pops he’s not to buy me a new car but to save the money for his retirement and just keep dishing out the hugs instead, thereby landing myself a huge bill to sort Jemima out so she can keep running for years to come but earning myself a gazillion good daughter points in the process 🙂