Handbag full of kryptonite

I had been anticipating one particular email all year and yet when it arrived I found myself utterly powerless to act upon it, as if I was superwoman and someone had slipped some kryptonite into my handbag. Talk about a gutting experience… My inbox pinged and I nearly screeched in excitement at being invited to a private Mulberry sale – 50% off! Unfortunately due to it being nearly the end of the month, oh and the fact that I am not a squillionaire I couldn’t take advantage. *sobs* As if to compound my misery about half an hour later I was invited to a private viewing/sale at Anya Hindmarch – aaarrrggghhh!

Lost another 5lbs in the past week however am not shedding sizes on my bottom half which is beginning to piss me off a little bit as if I keep losing weight from the top down I am going to start looking ridiculous. I also have to think about the fact that in 7 months time I am going to be on a gorgeous beach in Cuba surrounded by healthy skinny types and I am either going to be a) still fat or b) skinny but with really floppy skin. Mmm attractive. Perhaps I should start cultivating a ‘fuck it’ attitude and retrain my brain to think that I’ve worked damn hard as a post op and that wherever I am in my journey by the time Cuba rolls around is A-OK with me. Which I think is going to be easier said than done, in a major way! I just don’t want to let my best girl down by looking like a fat sweaty sow in her wedding photos, nor do I want to miss out on any of the activities on the holiday because I’m scared of being told I’m too fat or worried that I won’t fit. The final thing that is occupying my headspace about Cuba is the bridesmaid dress issue. I trust Marms implicitly on the choice of dress and would wear a bin liner if it made her happy but I know it’s going to cause issues because, what if I’m still a plus size? That would a) restrict dress choices majorly and b) big top sized dresses don’t come cheap! And what if we do buy the dress and then I shrink more or whatever? I think I just need to chill out a little bit and maybe use the weekend coming up to talk to my girl about it all – just air the issues and whatnot. You know what they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. *vomits*

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