Like a bitch on heat

Ever had something come back to bite you squarely on the arse making you want to curl up and die of embarrassment? Yep, you betcha that happened to me today! There I was looking for a particular top in my wardrobe when my eyes hit upon a little red book tucked right at the back of one of my drawers – having not seen it in twelve years I was pretty amazed that it had survived seven whole house moves!

And what was the cause of such toe curling mortification? ‘The Him Book’ 200 pages, one for each bloke who catches your eye, including a rating system (categories such as ‘tuff’, ‘sexy’, ‘horny’ and ‘funny’) and a chance to fill a half page box about how dreamy Richard/Mark/Matt/James/Alex/Etc is and how like ‘oh em gee he looked at me at school and that means we’re going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after’. It seems I was quite the little boy spotter as my ‘Him Book’ was almost full and incredibly detailed – it’s almost nice to know that some things haven’t changed when at the moment it feels like everything has! I’m a sucker for a nice smile, or hands, or eyes or teeth or well, I’m just a sucker for a good looking boyshape. They don’t even have to be *that* good looking, I was eyeing up a chubby pallid fresher baby this morning in the Doctors surgery of all places!

I think once I hit goal weight I’m going to have a sacrificial bonfire and burn all the totally mortifying stuff from my past, and some of my big fat circus tent clothes too so if you see a world record size bonfire that’ll be me, Long Tall Ally erasing my embarrassing past!


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