It’s not safe to be in the water…

I dipped my toe into the dating pool and some could even say now that I’m reclining on a floating pool chair with a pink sparkly drink and a cocktail umbrella in the great big pool ‘o men…. Unfortunately I think there may be a shark looming on the horizon and that it might be time to get out of the water!

There is a man, my age, my height, nice, called Chewie (not Chewbacca, it’s my take on his surname!) who is interested but it’s making me freak out and consider my entire position in the Universe du Romance. He seems like a nice guy but I don’t find him physically attractive (he reminds me of Mr Bean), he says ‘ta’ which I find intensely annoying and has already admitted that he has no career drive or ambition (which is one of my most important factors) so I don’t know what to do. On the flip side, we have a lot in common and he makes me laugh, he seems intelligent and genuine and a thoroughly decent guy

*~*~*~*~*~ break to think! ~*~*~*~*~*

I had to leave this and come back to it, such is the confusion in my head. I feel like I’m about to have some sort of breakthrough right here, right now…. ready?

I would like to be in a relationship (note I didn’t say ‘I WANT’ tantrum tantrum) but every relationship I’ve had in the past has been with someone who I desperately fancied and if I’m honest idolized which removed any sense of equilibrium in the relationship and I think was partially to blame for the constant head noise of ‘I’m not good enough for this man, he’s going to leave me’. So maybe by getting to know someone who I don’t already idolise I might stand more of a chance for an adult relationship… I can already hear the Good Doctor telling me to chill out and shut up so I’ll leave it there…..


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