Pretentiousness thy name is Long Tall Ally

OMFG How pretentious do I feel on a scale of 1-10? About ELEBINTY MAJILLION! Currently on the train with power handbag in tow, wearing power trenchcoat (oh yeah, I’m a walking cliche) en route to business meeting with talent agency. Am blatantly living another persons life and will be pinched and woken up soon because things like this just don’t happen to small town fat girls like me. They happen to glamorous, sorted, small bottomed women who douse themselves in Jo Malone, shop at Browns and have their groceries delivered by Ocado, not chicks who have to spend their last £40 on a train ticket and who feel like big fat phonies….

Perhaps it is time for a mantra? Marmaloid used ‘ski fit wedding slim’ to propel herself through bridal bootcamp in the run up to Cuba, maybe I should use ‘shut up you doubting harpie, have some self confidence’ although that doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue!

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