08-07-1998

Dear Mummie

I was going to write a blog about you and about how much I miss you even now after eleven years but I know you’ve not really left me and so I’m writing to you instead. This year finally feels a bit different to the others, I’m not missing you any less than I have in the past but I am more able to cope with things this year, I think because I’m in a happier place and am more settled. I miss you more acutely this year actually because just yesterday I was listening to someone tell me I am a talented writer, something that I can only have inherited from you. One of my wildest dreams is coming true and I wish so deeply that I could pick up the phone and call you about it because I know how excited and proud you would be. Dad, Fee, Lin and Brenda are all fulfilling the role of excited and proud parental types wonderfully but there is always going to be that little gap where you should be. I also feel that this year is different because as a family unit we have come to the end of “ten years of tears” as I dubbed the time since you left us, it feels like a fresh start, a time to remember you fondly and with so much love rather than feeling angry about you leaving us and cheated that you went so soon. We’re all busting out into the World and making paths towards our futures, safe in the knowledge that you are with us every step of the way and that we are all there for each other.

Your grandson is a truly beautiful young man, although in the grandest tradition of us L-M’s he is of course not so little and I can’t believe how much he looks like his Daddy – I know you can see all this sat up there on your fluffy cloud with Wynne but telling you about it makes the distance between us seem smaller somehow. I see you in me every day and that makes me happy and proud to be the person I am, in all my flawed glory. I love you deeply and miss you greatly but can see the great influence your kindness and spirit had on so many people that I am now lucky enough to have in my life, bonds that can never be broken by distance or time.

See you in the morning when the sunshine comes again,
With so much love,
Your daughterAlly Weasel xx

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