Off out tonight with the Treasure Hunter and Flabs for Mojito night round 2 and I’m really looking forward to catching up with my girlies and having a good old gossip. I’m a little bit stressed about going into the part of town that I like to think of as trendy central as I know in the back of my head that I won’t fit in. I’ll still be the woman in the room with the biggest bottom and the unswerving feeling that I shouldn’t be there because I’m not good enough.
My darling Crusher emailed me this morning with her latest responses to the chunk of book and it sparked a conversation about this feeling of being ‘good enough’. To me, Crusher is not only good enough she’s bloody fantastic both inside and out and so it was interesting (nay, startling!) to realise that she also has moments where she doesn’t quite feel ‘good enough’. Who is it that decrees what is good enough and what just doesn’t cut the mustard? Nobody except our own insecurities and foibles of course. Naturally you get the odd woman who is so head in the clouds ass backwards in love with herself that the idea of not being good enough doesn’t even enter her headspace, it literally doesn’t cross her mind because she is normally too busy swanking round in clothes the size of a postage stamp basking in the adoration of all around her. Women like this make me want to stab them in the eye with a spork for their distinct lack of cellulite and wobbly bits but also give them a bloody big hug and tell them that nobody nobody nobody is perfect and that is what makes life so interesting.
I think the thing that is concerning me about tonight is that I have to get through it sober. God that makes me sound like an alcoholic but it would be so nice to have a large glass of wine just to bolster me a little bit. Sadly due to a combination of tablets and a drive down to banjo country tomorrow for my brother’s birthday I will be sticking to virgin mojitos this evening! Had the usual head twaddle about what to wear, nothing looks good enough, nothing fits, nothing is trendy enough, blah blah blah so have decided to wear my new fierce Rihanna esque shoe boots in the hopes of feeling fierce from the feet up.
Am currently considering whether I want to grow my hair a bit or get it all chopped off like Frankie Sandford…… hmm.