I was walking to work this morning composing this blog post in my head and thankfully, I’ve managed to remember enough of the bare bones of it through my oversleeping induced fug to put it up. My regular readers (again I am sure there are thousands) will know that I am teensy bit obsessed with the appearance of my collarbone so much so that I now sit and hold it when I’m concentrating and like to stare at it in any given opportunity eg I was walking my sort of niece home from the cricket club fete when she got told off by my brother for checking herself out in the car windows (she’s 5)…. I think she’d only started doing it because I was! I was pootling around on the tinterweb looking for new wallpapers for my BlackBerry (ooh lah di dah technowhizzy longtallally) when I ended up noseying round http://www.tumblr.com which is a sort of microblogging photo site for creative types that houses some seriously beautiful photographs. I was looking through the ‘fashwan’ (that’s fashion to us mere mortals) section and came across this:
It made me stare at it in awe, wishing that one day my collarbone might look like that with the bumpy bit of the shoulder sticking out. For some reason it just looks so graceful and beautiful. Of course it’s probably not that healthy to be all bony like that. I’m not passing comment on the state of this womans health (either physical or mental) but I don’t think this is a good state for me to aspire to. Before surgery I aspired to be normal, a normal weight possibly at the larger end of the spectrum (I am 6’2″ after all). However now I’m approaching that goal I find myself wanting more…. I’m becoming more interested in fashion and designers and models and it’s a little worrying although I would like to state for the record that I am not anorexic nor do I wish to be so there is no need to worry. I think it is more about wanting to be the best person I can be, the healthiest, most attractive version of me going.