Answers on a postcard

Within minutes of updating this blog last time my inbox pinged with a missive from the irrepressible Crusher entitled ‘Answers on a Postcard’. Either it is a massive coincidence that she just happened to be idling time on my blog in the hopes of an update or she’s stalking me because she wants to be me or wants to be on me. Personally I reckon it’s the latter, she’s always had that air about her 😉

Anyhoo, the upshot of the Crusher mail was that she thinks I’m being a bit of a dick about being so snarly when men approach my temple of loveliness. She didn’t actually say I was being a dick but I could tell she wanted to compare me to a big pink phallus and send me on my way.

She gently reminded me that any man who makes an approach will most likely be thinking ‘will she think I’m a knobber’; ‘do I have a small cock’; ‘oh god, I have a massive beer belly’; ‘I’m not funny enough’ etc etc etc. I’d never even considered that men could be insecure about things, and as Crush pointed out it’s as though I feel that men are superior and have the power to judge me. I have always felt like this without realising and so it is time to take back some of the power. I am woman, hear me roar. Well I won’t be roaring quite yet, maybe starting off with some squeaking and building up to some quiet shouting but I’ll get there.

Hysterically she mentioned that she feels lucky that Cadbury her lovely fella isn’t too hard on the eyes (face it Crush, he’s hot) but that she thinks he is slightly reminiscent of a chimp as his eyes are clearly too close together however she did also go on to say that even if he got rotund she would love him because he makes her laugh. I suppose looks will only get you so far.

Annoyingly she agrees with PG (gaaah damn them both to hell) that bigger ladies get boys too. The thought of that scares the beejeezus out of me if I’m honest though. And then she popped her wise hat on and said

“You need to start realising and believing that your no longer a “bigger lady”…. Ally, you need to erase all of these negative “fat” ideas, and old thoughts and perceptions and the horrible things people may have once said. Go out to a bar and talk to a man and if he’s a di*k to you, then you’ve been saved from him haven’t you, and you should relish in the superiority that he’s an idiot and you’ve got off lightly!! Hehe…. Anyway, nuff of me rant! .. oh and if someone is prepared to marry [redacted], then honestly ally, even at your biggest you still had nothing to worry about!!! Hahah…”

I may have lost the weight from my stomach, bum, hips and well all over really but how on earth do I lose the weight from my brain?! Maybe I should start a slush fund for a frontal lobotomy to even things up….

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