Call me Rudolph (red nosed, not Hess)

Because I appear to be embroiled in a situation where reindeer games are the order of the day. How’s about instead of blowing alternately hot and cold, you just blow away and leave me in peace? The hard learnt lessons of ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ are coming into play in this scenario – A date is suggested, I capitulate, and then you back off into the distance as if the idea shocks you. I feel like a push me, pull me toy and I’m fed up. FED UP you hear?

You can make all the excuses in the World but the underlying message from my recent grrrl power makeover is this – if a man likes you and wants to spend time with you he will make it happen. He will not email you first during a work day, be chatty for several emails and then claim to be having a super busy day as soon as the date that he suggested is mentioned. He will not text and initiate conversation but mysteriously disappear when said proposed date is mentioned, later claiming that he has bad signal and he will not keep bumping the date further and further backwards whilst simultaneously not deciding on where to go and what time.

How difficult is it to formulate the sentence, ‘Long Tall Ally I don’t think this is going to work, let’s give the date a miss’ or ‘Long Tall Ally now’s not the right time for me, sorry’ or even ‘Long Tall Ally I’ve changed my mind and actually think you’re pig dog ugly, please delete my number and erase me from your memory banks’? Not very difficult is the correct answer although to him it appears to be akin to tackling the twelve labours of Hercules rather than arranging some letters on a screen and hitting send.

A tiny part of me is still trying to make excuses for this inconsistent behaviour in the vain hopes that actually he is keen on having a date but is having a week from hell and that his behaviour will change once the weekend hits. A larger part of me is telling myself that I am being a proper numpty trying to make excuses for him and the largest part of all (my bottom?) is dying to get me to tell him to ‘jog on chufty, nothing to see here’.

Oh decisions, decisions. I think I am going to leave it in the lap of the Gods – if he wants to get with this *does shimmy* then he needs to get his arse in gear, be a bit proactive and put his money where his mouth is.

In completely unrelated news, last night I was faced with my past and my future all at once in the same room. A rare occurence you’ll agree, a scary occurence definitely, but one that filled me with hope for what lies ahead. My past was in the form of someone I used to know and be really close to who hurt me deeply and increased the depth of the barrier walls I have around myself by about four feet but who is now in a better place and able to accept her part in what went on. Since our chance meeting yesterday we have had to be honest with each other and admit that it was hella awkward to run into each other and that it felt weird being in the same room. We hugged when we met but it was a false hug, devoid of positive feelings (on my part at least), more driven by feelings of obligation rather than desire to reconnect with that person.

I know that we are not going to be friends again, the hurt runs too deep for that to happen but mutual friends and living in the same city again mean that we are going to be seeing each other on a more regular basis. This means it is back to school for Long Tall Ally for a lesson in ‘learning to let go’. As long as it is coursework based I’m okay with it, I’m just rubbish at exams.

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