I have been realising over the past few days that I am terrible at making decisions and sticking to them. My time in Southampton may potentially be coming to a close, if I want it to that is. Isn't that just the million dollar question!
Do I want to move somewhere else? Yes, I think I do. Will I end up moving somewhere else? No, probably not. In my ideal World I would be living in a lovely little house with real character with stripped wooden floors and a kitten to call my very own. I'd have a study where I could sit and write looking out of the window onto a beautiful view and I'd decorate it with quirky touches and really put my stamp on the place. Sadly my fears and desires for things to be 'just so' are holding me back.
I wish I had a crystal ball to use in my decision making, it would make things so much easier on my noggin and reduce the stress of having to be a grown up. The other aspect that is getting me wound up and making me sad is the idea of potentially not living with PG anymore. We've been a motley pair together for 5 ish years now and aside from a few moments of wanting to bash his head against something and call him a crapbag I've enjoyed every minute. I've also felt safe to be myself which is a really big deal and really PG knows me better than anyone. After 5 years he's also got over the shock of seeing me looking like a cracked out Wednesday Addams in the morning too!
I wish someone (a fairy Godmother all twinkly & girlie with a wand and tiara) would come and work their magic on me and tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. Sadly fairies aren't real and I'm a big girl now so I am going to have to get through this one on my own. A wise friend told me to trust my gut… I listened to my gut and all it told me was to postpone the decision. So, in honour of listening to my gut that is what I am going to do. This is 'The Ostrich' signing off!