He walked into the room and my jaw dropped open, I couldnt even conceal my surprise at his total transformation. Since having surgery I’ve been on the receiving end of gobsmacked expressions and bemused stuttering countless times but this was the first time I’d been sat there with a mouth like a goldfish completely lost for words.
My gorgeous friend Doodah (@suziepooz) has lost a shed load of weight and looks and IS a totally different person but because I’m lucky enough to see her regularly I’ve been there with her every step of the way and haven’t had that gawping open mouth surprise and shock. The now skinny man in question was the Physics Geek’s friend who has lost an astounding 20kgs since Christmas and looks like an entirely different person. I can fully appreciate now why people thought I had cancer after surgery as I was looking at this guy just thinking ‘Fuck, you look so different. It looks wrong, the sudden appearance of bones’, especially because he was snuggled into a hoodie that was approximately four sizes too big for him.
The world has a great way of making me sit up and take notice and PG’s skinny friend was like the world saying ‘Hey Long Tall Ally WUT UP?!’ because it was only yesterday that I was telling Doodah she was crazy for saying a new photo made me look really skinny. My raging self doubt was making me demand that she got herself to Specsaver’s pronto whilst cringing inwardly at how anybody could think I was skinny when my arse is still the size of Luxembourg and my thighs are sturdier than two mighty Oak trees. Ho hum, it’s a daily battle.
After getting a telling off from Doodah which equated to a couple of ‘Mummy will smack’ type text messages I was sat at my computer contemplating the meaning of life (shoes) when ‘The Ferring Sensation’, my lovely friend Ed called.
‘Errr who the fuck are you’ he (charmingly) bleated, ‘What have you done with the real Alice?’ I laughed, was confused and scared all at once*. He continued in his loving yet abusive tone to tell me that he was sat at the computer with his gorgeous fiancée Katie and his wonderful Mum when they’d stumbled across my newest photo on Facebook…… which they didn’t recognise as being me.
He went on to say that he simply HAD to call as he wouldn’t have been able to convey the sense of utter shock and OMGness that had occurred. As usual I started whining about it being a trick of the light and how my big fat bottom is out of shot but he was insistent and persistent with his compliments so in the end I had to relent and let him be nice to me for once. Literally for once. I don’t recall the last time that’s happened but that’s just the relationship we have, for example he told me that saying I looked like Ugly Betty was ‘a bit harsh…… on Betty’. I think that’s why it got through to me that what he was saying could just be true. Oh and the fact that he got teared up and sobbed like a baby about how proud he is of me…..**
So there it is, my lesson in accepting compliments and not believing my own head when it says I’m a porker. I always thought people were just being nice in commenting on the weight loss, the ones who knew my ‘surgery secret’, as if they felt obliged to be nice but having seen PG’s friend I know now, etiquette had nothing to do with it. The fact that he had shed weight like shit off a greasy shovel and looked a shadow of his former self did. So, what can I take away from this little encounter? The thought that I should let my friends compliment me if they want to, the fact I should ignore my head which wants to sabotage me at every step and the fact that underneath the machismo and bravado, Ed ‘The Ferring Sensation’ is a sensitive little bunny.
* This is recalled from my memory, it’s not verbatim but he definitely said the F word. Oh as well as announcing in front of his lovely Mum that’d I had some cock.
** Oh okay so that bit didn’t happen, but he did say he was proud of me.