My new mantra, as stolen from my wonderful friend Mini Nizzle is ‘Follow the Butterflies’. To me, this simple sentence encapsulates everything that I need to either keep on doing, or do more of.
The butterflies are a great feeling, that nervy bundle in the pit of your stomach that flip flops about when you’re faced with something that excites you or alternatively scares the bollocks off you. In the moment they have the capacity to make me feel sick, make me want to run and hide and sometimes make me want to leap about with a massive grin on my face. Looking back over the past few years it’s been an unusual collection of things that have given me that jangling belly and pounding heart –
- Holding my nephews for the first time. Sweaty palms, heart rushing with love, stomach being flipped about like a champion pancake.
- Interviewing for a job I really wanted and subsequently didn’t get.
- Queuing up for and crossing the start line for Race for Life.
- Running over the finish line for Race for Life into the waiting arms of friends, a sweaty minging mess.
- Having ‘the chat’ with PG where I confessed I thought I loved him and then, thankfully, realised I didn’t.
- The thought of losing a loved one without having told them I loved them recently.
- Getting emails on match.com from men who think I’m interesting enough to chat with.
- Sliding my bottom into a smaller pair of jeans, watching the lbs slide off and feeling that a normal healthy weight is within my reach.
- Going on a first date with a man I was actually interested in – I thought I was going to either vomit in my handbag or pass out from nervous excitement.
- Dating – it’s all so new to me. It provides me with enough head mess I could write a book about it….. oh….. wait 😉
- Flying to Cuba, fitting in the plane seat and watching my best friend get hitched.
- Having the courage to leave a friend behind when I realised things weren’t working. Man that was difficult but definitely for the best.
The butterflies effect plays a big part in my life but sometimes I get bogged down in the humdrum and wishing that life could be regimented, routine and standard and start thinking that butterflies are bad. Dating is causing this at the moment, I find myself wishing that things were simple and upfront and my head lets me get caught up in this and in doing so, completely avoids the delicious squirmy feelings that ‘following the butterflies’ brings.