Mr Sandman, where art thou?

Are you the early bird who catches the worm or the night owl that parties til the sun comes up? Popular culture seems to dictate that you’re either one or the other, you’re either off to bed at 10:30 with a mug of horlicks or you’re just strapping on your Jimmy Choos to dance the night away waiting for the taxi to arrive. The following morning you’re leaping out of bed schmincing about with a big grin on your face or you can barely lift your head off the pillow before hitting the snooze button at *least* six times.

I think I’m the exception to the sleepytime rule. PG wil attest that as soon as the clock hits 9:30 I start yawning like someone who hasn’t slept in a week and debating whether it’s lame to go to bed so early when I’m in my late twenties. The lame police set off sirens in my head alerting me to the fact that I’m 28 and not 78. Therefore shouldn’t I be out partying, talking to inappropriate boys and damaging my feet in stonkingly massive heels and not yawning like a sleepy lioness before toddling off to bed to read five chapters of Maeve Binchy or Joanna Trollope.

To feel zen and relaxed in the mornings my Blackberry alarm tone is the sound of a gong supposed to conjure up images of softly flowing streams, yoga on the mountainside and incense sticks wafting their smell towards me. Actually what happens is that it bongs once, I shout ‘oh fuck off it’s too early’ and then reset my alarm for another 30 minutes. That happens three times between 06:30 and 08:00 when I finally haul myself out of bed and into the shower, whinging as I go.

As you can see, I’m not great at either ends of the sleepytime spectrum. Get me at my peak hours between 02:00 and 05:30 though and I’m like greased lightening. Thanks to the insomnia, these peak hours are when all my best thinking gets done and when I do all the niggly jobs I’ve procrastinated for ages. Case in point last night, I painted my fingernails, sorted my bikini line, laid out a selection of outfits for tonight’s date and caught up on some paperwork. All necessary evils but why do I need to do them when I should be getting my beauty sleep….

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