Dumps Like a Truck…

How miraculous the human brain is, that it can go from feeling making someone feel positive and voluptuous on the dancefloor to feeling flabby and Jabba the Hutt esque in the space of 24 hours.

Two occasions looming that I need to look feminine for, which means two dresses, which means twice I have to ‘get my legs out’. A phrase which strikes fear into my very heart because having tried on two potential dresses today I have yet again been reminded that I hate my legs.

One of the drawbacks of having the surgery is that you shrink from the top down so whilst I’ve lost an awful lot of weight, most of it has been from the top of me. My legs are still pretty much the same size they always were, chunky, treetrunked and the bit I dislike most. I’ve considered going down the maxi dress road on several occasions however trying to find one long enough to cover this 6’2″ body is like trying to fold gravy or hide the smell of alcohol on your breath from a nosey parent – futile and messy.

I’m on a little hormonal cloud at the moment and I can hear the petulant little voice inside my head screeching for me to cancel so that I don’t show myself or more importantly, anyone else, up. I could just about deal with the thought of looking like a heifer if it was just going to be me that it would effect, I’ve long been an embarrassment to others because of my size. I know that the people who are embarrassed by my size aren’t true friends and I also know that the friends who will be at both the functions are true friends but even so, the little gremlins in my head are having a field day causing paranoia and what feels the ability to burst into tears at any moment.

I’ve made the decision to send the dresses back and try some others, I’ll have to crack out the Garnier Sumer body on the pins and have a glass of wine (or two) for some dutch courage. I just wish I knew a more permanent way to get over my ‘thighs like what what what’.

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4 thoughts on “Dumps Like a Truck…

  1. I know where you are coming from. I have been there myself, all 5 ft 3 and a half of me.. You have to change your mind set and realise your are a beautiful person inside and out. People love you, and I know it is almost impossible to love yourself but please try as many people love you for you (including me) xoxo

  2. If you're still looking for maxi dresses it might be worth trying marshallward.co.uk . I've bought stuff from them before – they have a great range of sizes and their stuff is long on me and I'm 6ft. I've also got a really pretty maxi dress from New Look – although don't know if they have them back in this year yet or not. Would let you borrow it if it might be any use 🙂 Lo x

  3. I really understand as well. I have long got over hiding my size 18 self away. it's just not worth it. I hate how my size makes me feel but I also know I scrub up well and can look pretty damn hot when I try! but I really understand – my size has stood in the way of lots of things for me before. Even though I am not 'THAT' big as some people love to tell me, the fact that through my illness I have gained lots of weight makes me feel very self conscious. I had to make a decision though, as you do and that was to not let me own self doubt stand in the way. It's so unimportant, it's a shell. Al, You are pretty and wonderful, don't let the demons let you down. I know it's easier said that done! xLorna x

  4. 😦 I seriously want to cry for you here. It's flipping horrible. I've lost count of the amount of events I've slinked away from because I've thought i'd too fat and I may aswell wear a badge with my name on in case someone mistakes me for a whale and brings out the harpoon gun. I've given up on that now, I'm trying not to let the fact I'm a little blimp ruin my social life, after all I'm working hard to lose the weight for me and if other people don't like it they can feck off – hey, this attitude even got me a snog last night (ooohhh scandal). But seriously, the thing is, you look amazing, your legs are probably only big to you…!! I bet if you look around you that you'll see that they won't all be like extras from Holyoaks and in fact will have imperfections themselves.

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