My wallet is £28.95 lighter today as I have been forced to pay what one might call a ‘Stupidity Tax’. My lovely followers on Twitter and Facebook and my offline friends (yes, I do have them!) will know that I’ve been having a bit of a nightmare trying to find a dress for an upcoming wedding, I’ve had them too small and too short but today I was utterly gobsmacked to have one too big.
I tried on two dresses in Debenhams the other day, a purple one in my size and a black and white one two sizes smaller, taking pictures of me in both so that I could ask my girl council which looked better. At the time I didn’t even attempt to zip the smaller one up but left with a skip in my step at feeling feminine in a dress for the first time ever. So having decided on the black and white dress I ordered the correct size off the interwebnet and the parcel landed rather excitingly on my desk this afternoon. I will own up to leaving work an hour earlier than normal because I was so keen on getting home to try it on! *shameface*
It was HUGE on me (yes I did use both bold and italic, that’s how massive it was), with baggy flappy bits under the armpits and sagging on the waist plus far too much fabric in the skirt that made my arse look massive. I stood there looking in the mirror and my first thought was ‘Oh it’ll do, it’s as good as I am going to look and due to my bingo wings I won’t be raising my arms above my head so nobody will see the flappy bits’. I’m not sure how I managed to change my mind but suddenly I was rushing down the stairs to my car to go and get the next size down.
Naturally I felt the universe was conspiring against me as they only had one dress left in an 18, the same dress I had tried on without zipping up the week before. CLANG. I couldn’t schlepp all the way down there though and not try it on so resigned to getting stuck in a dress and having to be cut out by an amused shop assistant I went and tried it on.
It only bloody fit didn’t it – A size 18! I know that’s not exactly svelte and the full skirt is very forgiving over my size 22 hips and bottom but my god, I used to be a size 36 so I’ll take what I can get. Of course I had spent so long fannying around in the dressing room prancing about like a princess that by the time I hauled ass out of there I had a parking ticket (£25) and I had paid delivery charges (£3.95) for the dress that didn’t fit me when I could have had the right size one in my grubby paws all along *sigh*
Here is a really awful picture of me in said dress, huge apologies for the dirty bathroom mirror – housemate manages to get it dirty whenever he shaves….
Speaking of said housemate…. In the next few weeks whenever I get sad about us not living together anymore, can someone remind me that actually he gets on my tits and it would be lovely to live with someone who can actually y’know, hold a damned conversation. Okay? Cheers.