I'm a liability

I consider myself to be quite crafty, I can’t knit and have no inclination to learn as I am allergic to wool and also have no patience and the idea of painting for fun makes me want to gnash my teeth however I am a dab hand at knocking together fancy dress when the need arises. Those present at my 25th will remember the Boo from Monsters Inc costume which took three and a half weeks to make but meant that I couldn’t hear people or drink properly. On the plus side it was exceptionally comfortable, meant I could wear trainers and easily sleep (read: collapse in drunken stupor) in my costume which was essentially a giant sleeping bag.

Tonight I am off to an American High School themed fancy dress party in London with my lovely friends Teeny, Bear, the Illustrator and the Calamitous one and after much deliberating about what to wear (nobody wants to see a cheerleader with thunder thighs and flabby cellulite let’s face it) I settled on going as ‘Ugly Betty’. Bending the rules slightly by going as a character rather than a stereotypical American teen but I figured I could cobble together a suitable outfit without too much effort. Having selected clothes which on their own look alright but together look hideous I made the decision that I should also make a necklace like the one that Betty wears to make it slightly more obvious that I’m supposed to be Betty Suarez and not just that I got dressed in the dark and possibly require locking up.

Last night I gathered together the accoutrements needed to make my necklace and borrowed some superglue off PG. This is where my problems began. Having had acrylic nails applied for the wedding last weekend, doing anything fiddly was going to be a challenge. Doing something fiddly with SUPERGLUE was going to be all out carnage. I estimate it took about 35 seconds for me to superglue my fingers together and 2 minutes to get the necklace glued to one of our sofa cushions however I showed signs of improvement by taking a solid 8 minutes to get my Blackberry glued to my index finger.

I think from here on in I should only be trusted with the crap fishy smelling glue we used to have in school, that would peel off like a second skin if you got it on you. Or maybe, as a 28 year old I should hang up my need for sticking shit together and concentrate on err, getting a career?!

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