Dirty old goat….

Not content with turning back time to write about Kings of Leon (Marry me, Jared?) the past few nights I’ve been trying to turn back the clock to the time when Columbus and I were doing, well whatever it was we were doing. Ostensibly we were ‘dating’, in reality we were drinking lots of wine, talking about Fountains of Wayne and pashing like rabbits on his sofa. Although I’m guessing rabbits don’t leave teeth marks (the fucker).

WHYYYYYYYY is he on my brain? I know it’s because I’m randy like the randiest of old goats at the moment, but why him out of all the men in the world? I think the desire for a good old fashioned snog stems from hearing about a gorgeous girlfriend of mine exercising her cougar muscle by pulling a young fittie, I’ll admit it, I was totally green with envy – I want a snog damnit! Perhaps not a cougar fuelled lip lock as that would involve pulling a teenager but really there must be SOMEONE out there who will snog me! (and maybe even a small boobie grope while he’s at it?)

Anything involving Columbus has got natural disaster written ALL over it, I’m cruising for a (heart) bruising and yet there he is winking at me from the recesses of my brain, daring me to pick up my phone and send ‘come and sex me big boy’….. I’ve been considering sticking my phone in the freezer or reversing over the damn thing so I don’t text him. It’s no good telling me to delete his number because I know the bloody thing off by heart so short of sticking hot metal skewers into my ears to burn away the bit of my brain that stores such potentially damaging information, I’m fucked.

Sadly contact has already been established (yes I’m VERY weak) and we had a nice friendly chat over the weekend about life – of course I was pressing him for his ladyfriend status whilst trying to appear nonchalant and relaxed, internally screeching ‘but are you screwing anyone you FECKER’ and now I’m back in that stupid limbo of wondering if we’ll have another friendly chat sometime and whether that will turn into more heart wrecking pashing on his sofa…… Arses.


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