I dun bort a drass

No, I have no idea why I’ve written it like that either.

I’m going to the wedding of someone I love dearly on Monday and wanted a gorgeous dress to make the day extra special, I hunted one down on ebay that would have cost me £145 in the shops but was the bargainous price of £32 online. Score. Then there was a bit of drama over whether it would arrive in time and so I realised I needed…… a backup dress.

I waited until I couldn’t avoid it any longer before toddling into town on ‘Mission Dresspossible’ with a heavy heart as I still have a big bum and no clue about what suits me. I did myself proud and didn’t head straight to Evans to seek solace amongst the fat clothes, I went in to Next and had a nosey (nothing) and then took a few deep breaths and went in to Monsoon.

I tried some dresses on from a high street non fatty boom boom shop! Never done that before. Five dresses in fact which all fit perfectly and would have looked beautiful were they not so short that my fanny was hanging out. Not exactly wedding photo appropriate attire as I doubt the bride would want to see my flange flapping about in her wedding album. In the end I did buy a dress from Evans however I don’t think I failed in my mission because I went in to a skinny shop and tried on actual clothes in their actual changing room without a) getting stuck in a dress and having to be cut out, b) being asked to leave because clearly there was nothing there for me or c) having a tantrum.

I also slipped and fell and accidentally also ordered a dress online, a backup dress for my backup dress if you will. Of course having two dresses meant I then got a call from home to tell me the original dress had arrived and would I like it to be hung up to air leaving me with three dresses for one wedding. Acers! I’m not a Hollywood diva so I won’t be changing my outfit throughout the course of the day however the three dresses are beautiful and so there is only one thing for it, I am going to have to wear dresses in my daily life. Argh, bring on the weed whacker and fake tan for my legs, STAT!

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