I ventured down to the forest for dinner and drinks on Friday night with Treasure and Owen as they’re making the move down to the west country to start their new lives. It was brilliant to spend time with them but I’m going to miss them being all the way down in deepest darkest bumpkin land!
A late night with lots of wine meant that when I woke up on Saturday morning I was feeling a bit like a badger had slept in my mouth and got the shock of my life when I clambered off their sofa bed to check out the damage in the living room mirror.
My bottom was massive, I mean super massive, bigger than it had ever been when I was at my heaviest…. I looked like I had some sort of glandular disorder, like the long lost sister of Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. Had I eaten the entire contents of Treasure’s fridge in my sleep? Had I been bitten by some wee beastie that had caused me to puff up overnight? A swift step to the right and reality was restored – the funhouse mirror had struck again. It apparently used to hang above a radiator and has warped so weirdly that one side makes you look like the Incredible Hulk and the other is normal, making it quite fun to pose in front of apart from when you forget and it catches you on the low ebb of a hangover and you think ‘feck me I look horrific’.
The rest of the weekend passed on a bit of a low tide, I slept a lot, felt a bit blue, listened to music guaranteed to make me cry and then got over myself and went out into the sunshine for a wander aimlessly round Bedford Place. It was bliss. A great reminder that sometimes I need to not be so insular and look for solutions outside of ‘mope’.
Today after work I faced one of my fears head on, I went to the dentist. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been to the dentist in the last 13 years since I had my braces taken off so needless to say, I was shitting it when I sank into the chair and the dentist started poking about in my gob. I got off quite lightly today, a scale and polish that made me want to punch her in the kisser a couple of times, 4 x-rays and a referral to have my wisdom teeth wrenched out. I also got a quote for some sexy adult braces, two beautiful new veneers for my grim front teeth and a bout of whitening. It was gulp inducing but hopefully will be worth it, let’s not mention the pain part though eh?