Got ticked off by my colleague Gok this morning for 'not injecting enough action' into the blog but sadly as I wasn't the victim of an attempted kidnap plot on the way to work, nor did my car spontaneously combust propelling me into a handy stack of cardboard boxes I can't give you what I don't have. So Gok oldfellamelad you'll have to either cool your jets and be patient on the action front, or you'll have to go all out to make my days more interesting to you and no, that doesn't mean you can set my stapler in jelly or some other office based schoolboy prank.
Having chickened out of contacting that fella who said I looked like a member of his family I was surprised that he got in touch again to plead that I contact him because he thinks I'm so lovely. Looking at his profile once more to decide whether he looked familiar to me or not, (sleep easy kids he doesn't look like anyone I'm related to) I realised he looks a bit like a chunkier, oranger Errol Flynn. Sadly he isn't the man to swash my buckle or indeed buckle my swash as I'd be too traumatised that he'd slip up and call me Mummy in a moment of passion.
Another chap got in touch though however his status was 'wants to date but nothing serious', I mean it may as well have said 'Hi, I'm looking for a quick shag. I won't make you climax as I'll be too worried about my own spaff and then I'll bugger off into the sunset leaving you with nothing more than a bad taste in your mouth and quite possibly herpes and/or gonorrhea'.
Is that too judgemental? Am I reading too far between the lines with that one or have I got it spot on? I'd say only time will tell but actually it won't as I'm not going to go there. Nor will I be contacting my friends soon to be ex hubbie who turned up in my matches using a photo of himself taken on the morning of their wedding….
The problem with the online dating world is that it can be like six degrees of separation, or should that be six degrees of sexperation?* In the past I've been matched to an old schoolfriend I had been convinced was gay, most recently I was matched to a friend who's online profile I had just finished writing on his behalf. I'd like the Universe to answer me on why it appears to be so difficult to put me in the path of a tall man, maybe with thick glasses so he can take them off and we can both pretend I'm Cindy Crawford, that I am not already connected to in some way and who can deal with my burgeoning love for my filofax?
September = new school year = new stationery = Oh my days I shouldn't be allowed in Staples unattended but oh my gosh I now have a fully pimped out filofax that will not be leaving my sight. Love it.
*No I don't know what sexperation is either but I needed to make it suggestive somehow so that's what I went with okay? Although sexperation – chance would be a fine thing!