"I’m a sushi failure"*

The lovely people at GLAMOUR invited me to attend an event to promote Johnson’s Daily Essentials, their revamped skincare range at Boots’ flagship store on Oxford Street. Always keen for a bit of girl bonding time (and freebies) I arranged to meet Mini Nizzle for some facial fun which sounds a bit porny but it was all legit. Once we’d been ticked off the guestlist we made it inside the velvet rope to grab some free bubbly and have our skin consultations which involved being prodded by what looked like a mini handbag sized cattle prod by a glamorous assistant.

Johnsons Lady: ‘How would you describe your skin?’
Mini Nizzle: ‘Err…smiley?’

Cue me getting the giggles for which I blame the bubbly – I’d had half a glass – before being zapped myself and told that I had a lot of moisture in my skin (beauty speak for oily) and dispensed to grab a goodie bag with face saving products in. After mooching about watching a presentation on achieving the perfect smokey eye, Mini Nizz suggested nipping next door to Yo! Sushi for dinner. When I mentioned I’d never had sushi before her eyes popped out on stalks like a badly drawn cartoon character and she practically frogmarched me in and handcuffed me to the seat.

Oh my god lord. To use the popular onomatopoeical adjective found on the Internet…. OM NOM and indeed NOM. It was deeeeeeeeelicious! I was as happy as a pig in muck and spent a lot of time squealing and exclaiming ‘oh my god it’s sooo coool’ as the dishes paraded in front of us waiting to be picked. I was leaning so far over the belt I was in danger of licking the lids and if that didn’t make it clear to all and sundry that I was a sushi virgin, the fact I couldn’t open my chopsticks let alone USE them sure gave the game away. Plus the fact that Mini had to explain that the tickets on the top weren’t the price, I mean I knew it was London and everything but 20.00 for a bit of salmon? Jog on!

My klutziness continued as in the excitement of not missing something that looked like a furball covered in custard (Hairy Prawns) I launched my Blackberry into my Chicken Terriaki splashing everything in sight. Then having worked myself up into a raw fish frenzy I decided to nip to the loo, my messy chopstick work came back to bite my squarely on the arse as I skidded gracefully on a rogue bit of rice and almost went base over apex. I pranced down the stairs high on wasabi fumes, saw what looked like a man wearing MC Hammer pants on the right hand door and so blindly crashed my way through the one to the left. The Gents. Yes that ‘man’ wearing MC Hammer pants, well it was a lady… Wearing a skirt… Granted it wasn’t a very full skirt but it was still a skirt and there was I, stood in the gents, looking like a pervert.

Back upstairs and:
Me: ‘Ooooh Mini Nizzle, what’s in this little metal box?’ (take lid off, peer inside)
Mini Nizz: (knowledgeably) That’s fresh ginger hun,
Me: REALLY? (confused face) I thought it was sliced ham…..
Mini Nizz: (Explosive laughter like you’ve never heard before) HAM?!? In a SUSHI resturant?! (guffawing loudly, in danger of some sort of attack)

It seems I’m not quite up to speed with the whole sushi thing just yet. Either that or I should never be allowed out in public on my own. Once I’d finished embarrassing myself and amusing the rest of the diners we toddled over to Fitzrovia for an impromptu Tweet Meet. Lovely night, lovely banter, lots of spilled drinks (none by me, wheeeeeeee!) and yet more hilarious stories from my fab friends. Shishtini (named after a cocktail she drank that looked like a kebab) had a brainwave, ‘The Jiffy Bag Diet’ which I think could be the next big thing. In a nutshell when you’re sat at your desk eyeing up the Mars bar that somehow made its way into your lunch you just stuff it in a jiffy and send it to someone else. In the words of a famous meerkat, SIMPLES. Plus it spreads good karma and joy throughout the land. Unless of course it causes the recipient to fall off their own diet wagon. Then it would be very bad indeed.

*Believe it or not that’s a quote from Mini and not me although clearly I’m a sushi loser. In my head right now I see her singing it to the tune of ‘Easy Lover’ whilst dressed up as a california roll. Om nom nom.


3 thoughts on “"I’m a sushi failure"*

  1. Oh my goodness I love everything about this post. It made me roar with laughter. I love you and Lee, such a pair of silly arses. I also LOVE the jiffy bag diet. A sort of pay if forward for chubbers. Yay to that. Lorns xxx

  2. Big Fashionista – it's apparently the time the dish goes off and has to be binned so they don't end up giving everyone food poisoning! xxLorns – I love this comment! Pay it forward for Chubbers indeed! Or PIFFC for short? Love you ladyface! xxx

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