I'm (not) Lovin' It

As I cruise towards my 29th birthday (5 sleeps to go – ARGH) I am battling against an onslaught of grey hairs around my temples and in my parting. I’ve been dyeing the little blighters for the past God knows how many years so am well practiced at the art of slopping on a generic brown colour, killing time for 25 minutes and then ta dah! Brown hair. Last night I’m not quite sure what possessed me but I picked up a red dye by Schwarzkopf that I’ve never used before. It looked quite red on the box but as I have dark brown hair I figured it would give my hair a nice reddish tint and obliterate the greys to such a degree that they might possibly look like highlights. I mixed it in the bottle and ignoring the acrid smell started slopping it onto my hair. I was quite perturbed to see it made it look like I had a serious head injury:

After 30 agonising minutes wondering if I’d made the right decision I schlepped upstairs and washed it out before running the hairdryer over it and screaming blue bloody murder when I looked in the mirror. I’d failed to read the box properly and in actual fact the mixture had BLEACHED my hair and then dyed it. I looked like I was wearing a fright wig from Halloween, some sort of hybrid of Little Orphan Annie and Ronald McFlipping Donald. No photo could do the hideous colour justice, and to make matters worse I’d applied it so badly the crown was bright ginger and it progressively got darker and more McDonald ish as it went down my hair, my scalp was also stained bright orange and I wanted to cry. Until I remembered my backup boring brown dye tucked away in a drawer for grey hair emergencies. Consulting Twitter to see if putting another colour over the top was going to make my hair fall out I took a deep breath and started once more slopping dye onto my locks. I could almost hear the hairs screaming in agony at yet another batch of dye being applied but there was absolutely no way in hell I was going out looking like Sideshow Bob.

It’s not brilliant this morning but I no longer look like a cartoon character which is a blessed relief, I do however look rather silly under artificial lighting as my hair is a colour that has never been seen before by the naked eye. It can only be described as being ginger plum with a smattering of bright red greys which I’m sure you can imagine is absolutely bloody delightful. NAAART. I’m going to give it a few washes with Fairy liquid to strip the colour a bit before conditioning the crap out of it and applying another darker brown on top to try and rectify things. I know, I know, my hair will probably go green or fall out in protest but I think the third time could be the charm. Besides, it being 5 sleeps ‘til my birthday means I can always ask for a selection of hats should the worst happen, right?


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