Dear Diary

*hangs head in shame*

I’ve been trying to cram everything that’s been going on into a blog post for the past few days but things kept getting in the way. So let’s go back to Saturday night which found me at ‘The Alexandra Beer Emporium’ (a great pub, check it out) for the birthday celebrations of my fabulous friend ‘Wind & Grind’. The drinks were flowing, the men were cute and the jokes, well ‘Wind & Grind’, her sidekick ‘Hot Nuts’, assorted friends and the boys from Johnny Toaster are out and out hilarious.

The Alex is a film themed sci-fi hot boy pub which has a Star Wars pinball machine, board games behind the bar and (for a limited time only) serves old style Sailor Jerry with coke. It also serves potent cocktails by the pint for the grand price of £3.75 and it is these uber drinks that proved to be my downfall. Several Southampton pubs sell themed cocktails, in Jesters you can pick up a ‘Jesticle’, in The Hobbit you can gulp a ‘Gandalf’ get legless on ‘Legolas’ or get fruity on a ‘Frodo’ and in the Alex you can get very very drunk on a ‘Vader’, get battered by a ‘Boba’ or larruped on a ‘Lando’. Vader, as the name suggests is pure evil. It tastes like summer fruit squash and until you realise you can’t stand up after drinking one it manages to hide its potency quite well. It’s double vodka, cherry sourz, blue curacao, grenadine and lemonade and is a fetching purple black colour, a bit like the colour your face will be the next morning when you awake from falling arse over tit onto the pavement after a Vader or two.

Being sat next to the gent’s toilets was certainly an experience not to be repeated but it did afford us good perving opportunities and it wasn’t long before ‘Hot Nuts’ spied a Johnny Wilkinson clone who took her fancy. He took everyone’s fancy really because the man was gorgeous and so after watching them gaze at each other whenever the crowds parted and having sent her on a failed mission to go and chat to him I decided to grab the bull by the horns and stick my size 12 feet in. Grabbing one of her business cards I went to the bar to refresh my glass before making my move. It’s amusing that I can easily go and chat to strangers on behalf of someone else but ask me to make the first move to chat to a man I like and I’ll whimper like a baby and dash in the opposite direction. I was primed and ready to pounce when ‘Wind & Grind’ (so called because she is a demon on the dance floor) decided it would be funny to put the card on the ‘Sahara’ nuts machine, hence ‘Hot Nuts’ being Jo’s new moniker for the purposes of this blog and also the way in which we now refer to the Wilkinson clone. We ended up heading to Vodka Revs for a boogie where ‘Wind & Grind’ came into her own and tore up the dance floor, cutting some serious rug. I felt a bit uncomfortable and retreated into my shell a bit as I’m much more comfortable in a bar or at a gig, basically anywhere that I am not expected to dance… I always feel I look a bit like a heffalump whose feet have been superglued to the floor and I seem to turn into Mary Whitehouse tutting under my breath at the things that class as ‘outfits’ these days. I wish I could cruise onto the dance floor and own the place but instead I shuffle from foot to foot wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

Tuesday saw another job interview – the outcome of which I am still waiting to hea,r gah! – and then meeting the gorgeous and very naughty Lipglossiping for a ‘Pret ‘n’ Shop. She’s the world’s most proficient cosmetics enabler and after a little mooch round Boots the list of things I was desiring had grown to ‘War and Peace’ proportions and I was headed home with a new turquoise eyeliner AND a massive bag of goodies from her stash – it was like Christmas and there was a lot of squealing when I saw all the new things I had to play with, including neon pink face paint which will be absolutely epic for the Isle of Wight festival. Wednesday after work I was brave and went and treated myself to a microdermobrasion facial where they basically sandpaper your skin to get rid of the dead bits, the blackheads and the dirt to leave you looking radiant and glowing. Although it sounds stressful and a nightmare having someone sandpaper your skin, it was really relaxing and blissful. It made my sides really ticklish and I kept gasping which is usually only something that happens when I am in bed with a gentleman and so I did find myself getting rather mortified that I was effectively getting turned on by having my face scraped. Once I’d been scratched and dispatched with a red face I went and met Nuts and W&G for dinner at The Chambers and then more drinks in the Alex where we flirted with the bar staff and chatted to some male students who were on a charity shop night out dressed as women. Tonight was dinner with the ladies from work at the Prezzo restaurant where Marmaloid and I spent so many Friday nights putting the world to rights when we worked at P&O Cruises. It was a bit odd being back there after all these years and I felt a bit weird going out with the work girls. They’re all lovely and we have a really nice time but at the moment I’m stuck in a limbo. I just wish I knew whether I’ll be sticking around and becoming a fully fledged Thunderbird or whether I’ll be assigned to the temp rubbish bin and escorted off site. I can hand on heart say that I will be gutted if I don’t get this job, it already feels like I’ve been there for ages and I really look forward to going in to base in the morning.

At the moment I don’t feel like I have time to sit down and think – tomorrow night I’m hurtling back to the shire for the hen night of one of my favourite people in the world who just happens to be marrying one of my other favourite people in the world – what luck! Plus they’re clearly awesome because they have asked me to DO A READING AT THEIR WEDDING. I’m not ashamed to say I cried like a damn baby when they asked because I was so honoured, of course then it hit me that I have to stand up in front of a room full of their nearest and dearest on the most important day of their lives and hold it together enough to get words out and that’s when I realised I had brown bits in my pants. I’m kidding of course…. I wasn’t wearing pants and it leaked all over the floor. Grim.* Fingers crossed for me tomorrow please chaps, I should be finding out if I can permanently stay on Tracy Island or if I have to come back to reality. I’ll keep you posted.

*Okay so that really really is a joke.
ps – yeah alright I’ve phoned this one in, it’s basically my social calendar written down but I have a cold *whine whine*

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