In a few years time we’ll reach the tipping point where you’ll have been gone for longer than you were in my life and that scares me already thinking about it. You’re starting to fade and I want to know how to stop it, I want to be able to retain the very essence of you, your voice, your scent, your laugh, but it’s going and it hurts.
Even at the age of 29 and a half there is still nothing on earth as good as a hug from you. You fit neatly under my chin so I could smell your Paul Mitchell shampoo and YSL Rive Gauche perfume. We fit neatly together like those salt and pepper pots that are designed to nestle together for life and there was nothing that a big fat hug from you couldn’t solve.
For the past few weeks I’ve had a physical ache to be held by you, for you to stroke my hair and listen to me talk about my day, to curl up on my bed and have you pretend to fall asleep snoring loudly and unable to be woken as I giggle like the happy girl I used to be. I don’t know how to shift it because it’s the one thing on earth I can never have again.
George is continuing to make you proud, he is such a wonderful father to Sam and our relationship is much better than it’s ever been. Sam is a proper little boy now, about to turn four but already wearing age 6-7 clothes! He is just like his Daddy with a love of spending time at the cricket club and a penchant for wearing shorts and flip flops from March to November. He’s starting to get to the age where he is old enough to hear about Daddy’s Mummy and I can’t wait to tell him all about you and to let him know that even though we can’t see you doesn’t mean you don’t love him with all of your being.
I still miss you like the day you left us and although I only write to you like this once a year I think about you often, talk to you regularly and smile broadly every single time you pop into my head. My memories might be fading but the love I have for you will never diminish.
See you in the morning when the sunshine comes again,
With all my love for now, ever and always.
Ally Weasel xxxxxxx