In order to celebrate Chicken recovering from her surgery and to mark the first birthday of her company "The Marketing Collective" we went out on Thursday for Mojitos and Mexican food. Diary clashes meant that we were headed out on a school night and so my intention was to have ONE Mojito but best laid plans and all that and number two was even more delicious than the first and rather set the tone for them to keep flowing.
I have gone from being a bit of a "not friends with girls" type to absolutely loving spending time with the go-getter, jet-setter, intelligent, confident women I'm lucky enough to call friends and although I can't remember much of what happened on our Mexican night I do know I loved every bloody minute. I could cheerfully have murdered someone when I woke up the next morning and felt like I'd been run over however. Drinking on a school night kids, it's not big or clever and it's really not fun the next morning.
I dragged my empty husk of a body into the shower and off to work thinking that at least I wouldn't have to make much conversation… Oh how wrong I was. It turned out we were to train a new security guard, a nice enough guy but making conversation with him was like pulling teeth using pliers and no painkillers. One particular highlight however was my security compadre Vern mishearing the dude saying he was called"Jeezy" (said with an obligatory suck of the teeth) and thus spending the entire day calling him "Cheesy". In my delicate state it was all I could do not to pee myself laughing.
So there I am opening post at my desk and categorising our training department returns into two piles either 'CD' or 'Directory' ready to be put back into our stores when I grabbed a jiffy bag that felt heavier than the rest. Returned to us from the Hebrew University in Jerusalem was a hardback book called "Made In Heaven Pictures" which I assumed was a compendium of religious iconography given the senders address…
How wrong I was because it was PORN. Porn masquerading as art which is actually porn after all. Can I say porn any more times than I just have? Porn. Having been warned by a colleague that it was pretty shocking of course I opened it – well actually I went and found a couple of the workmates I knew would appreciate it most and then cracked that badboy open. *cue shocked face* I'm not what one might call a prude but holy hell there are just some things you don't need to see.
After giggling like schoolchildren at the willies and the man who had a HUGE willy *and* boobs I carried on opening the returns amassing a pile of seven books which by the end of the day had all been claimed by various sheepish looking colleagues by home time. Having made it through the day in one piece (just) I then dashed back along the M27 to have some quality family time. Through the front door, first words that greeted me? "You look like a goth"… Just another standard weekend at casa del Long Tall Ally!