For the past 7 and a bit months since turning 29 I feel like I’ve been in a holding pattern to turn 30. I’m circling the skies of my late twenties waiting for the runway to clear allowing me to land and have an attempt at making a success in another decade of my life.
30 seems so grown up and if you’d asked me when I was younger what life would be like at that age I’d have predicted a mortgage, a marriage (or at the very least a hunk of diamond on my left hand) and a kick arse career. I look at other women who are 30 and think ‘when do I get to be like them?’ They all seem so sorted and all look so grown up and well put together whereas I still feel and look like a kid. A scrappy looking doesn’t often brush her hair happiest in jeans and flats style kid.
All year people have been saying ‘oooh you’re almost the big 3-0’and now I am indeed almost the big 3-0 I feel like I’ve wasted the big 2-9 by thinking about being the big 3-0 (how many more times do I want to say big 3-0). It feels stupid to have been thinking and fretting about something that’s inevitable. If I hadn’t had been thinking about my upcoming new decade for the past 229 days I probably wouldn’t have gone and cured cancer or climbed Everest but I might have just been happy being. As in being right where I am right now, being content with my lot (which is a great lot) and being unconcered by the next milestone. I mean on the morning of my 30th when I wake up with grey hair and crows feet it won’t be any different to waking up as I do now – a 29 year old, with grey hair and crows feet.
If I had a do-over I’d take it and I’d try to be less pre occupied by what other people think of where I am in the world and what I’m doing with my life. In fact I think being less pre occupied by what others think of me in general would be a great thing. Now, does anyone have any idea how to DO that?