The Queen Of…

“Introspective waffle! Get out there and meet people. Drastically improves your chances of finding people you get on with!”

That was the response from my friend Julius when confronted with me saying that I wouldn’t find someone to love me until I learned to love myself and without thinking about it I shot back, “I’m the Queen of making excuses”. Was this my subconscious coming out to play?

Yes I think it was. When asked out to dinner by a nice man recently I ummed and ahhed and came up with a multitude of reasons why I simply couldn’t go. Not one of them passed scrutiny by my friend B, she rebuffed every single one without so much as a backwards glance. The so called valid reasons that my brain was presenting were nothing more than excuses to allow me to be a scaredy cat.

Let’s not forget I’ve only been on one proper grown up date, a dinner at a local Italian with a man who wasn’t over his ex which meant although we had a great time it all went kablooey a few weeks later over the dreaded ‘G’ word (girlfriend). I think if I could leapfrog over the dating part and just go straight to the settled into a routine relationship without all the nervy bits at the beginning I definitely would.

Julius is probably right (damn him) because let’s face it, it’s going to take me a long time to learn to love myself so shouldn’t I let someone else take a crack at it to see if that might help me in my quest? Of course the Negative Nancy inside me won’t let me do that and if I did let someone close enough I wouldn’t believe a word they said which sort of leaves me a bit high and dry going round and round in circles inside my head. I can imagine what Julius would say if he knew that, he’d say “Introspective waffle! Get out there and meet people. Drastically improves your chances of finding people you get on with!”

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