Sign The ‘Fession!

No I’ve not been eating all the Haribo but I do have a ‘fession to make. Earlier when I was in Waitrose doing a shop I let two magazines fall into my basket. Actually scratch that I went over to the rack and stood there perusing the selection before putting two in my basket and heading for the till. In the grand scheme of the shopping ban it’s not a total disaster but it still feels icky and like a failure.

I guess that makes it shopping ban 1, Ally 0 but it’s not over until the fat lady sings and I’m not warbling any time soon. I suppose the important lesson to learn is why I felt I needed them because I spanked almost six quid on something that entertained me for about half an hour and will soon be chucked in the recycling. I may as well have thrown six pound coins into the big green bin at the end of the driveway. It seems like an overreaction to write a blog post about it but sticking to the no shopping thing is something important to me and I’ve messed it up.

But why?

I’m on a bit of a confidence backslide at the moment and am having difficulty in getting my head round some goings on, which is bringing up uncomfortable prickly type feelings that I’m not sure how to deal with. In the past I’ve eaten or shopped to give myself the buzz to make them go away, in fact I’ve normally done both but now I can’t do either. This of course means I have to find another way of dealing with them which might involve *dun dun dunnnnnn* actually talking properly about them and letting people in.

I know I blog about all sorts of bullshit that’s inside my head but it’s rare that I let friends in properly by having actual conversations with them about it all. Perhaps it’s time for that to change.


2 thoughts on “Sign The ‘Fession!

  1. The shopping ban is in a way like a diet. And while one might stumble every now and then, the most important thing is getting back on the horse. We all like to think that we should be in total control of our emotions, lives and decisions, but failing is part of being human. I am not trying to say here, that failing is good or that one should totally embrace failure, but beating yourself up over it might only lead to sinking further and sending the whole project into a tailspin. I guess what I AM trying to say is that if you do not lose sight of the goal and keep moving towards it then the occasional step back makes it only worth so much more. You are doing well. 🙂

    1. Thank you Maiken for giving me a gentle thwack upside the head to make me remove it from my arse. I’m always so tempted when something goes ‘wrong’ to think of the doom and gloom ‘I’m a failure’ side of things but actually, looking at how mental my shopping used to be, I’m doing a great job! xx

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