Sunday Sound Off: Food

Food.

A large part of life given that it’s needed to keep us alive but if I’m honest, it’s the bane of my existence and I wish someone would invent a way to live without having to make the choice over what we put in our mouths.

I’ve been doing a pre-surgery diet that involves nothing but 4 pints of milk a day, 2 pints of water and a chicken stock cube and all I’ve been hearing from people is how awful it must be and how I must be absolutely hating it. I’ve been getting sympathy from all comers and have perfected a sad little face at the thought of all the delicious food I’m missing out on.

Only I don’t feel like I’m missing out.

I wish it was something I could continue with for longer, for as long as it takes me to sort my life out when it comes to food in fact. Although after so many years of being like this it really does feel like there’s no end in sight. You can guarantee that whatever time of the day or night it is, whatever I’m doing or saying, wherever I am, I’m thinking/fretting/worrying/stressing about food.

I can accept that I have no willpower over the contents of the nearest supermarket, I get that, but it also feels deeper and stronger than just not being able to shut my head up. Food has not only affected me deeply but it has also affected my relationships with family, friends and the world around me. I have days where the thought of food and of using it to squash feelings that I can’t deal with consumes me so much that I feel like an addict clucking for a fix.

I know that sounds dramatic but it’s true. I’ve tried so hard to get a grip on things, to eat three meals a day and not rely on food to fix me, I do really well for a couple of days and then the wheel start to come off, the steam in my internal pressure cooker builds up too much and I have a blow out and a pig out.

Something, something has to give. I’m just hoping it’s not me.

 

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5 thoughts on “Sunday Sound Off: Food

  1. Hey. I think I understand your position. My relationship with food used to be messed up as well. However, what helped me was a very limited budget during my 3 months abroad as an exchange student (12 years ago now, goodness gracious!) All my meals were pre-planned and a lot of it also prepared in advance. I had counted my bread slices and measured out the sandwich toppings to last me until I got back home to my mommy and her delicious cooking. I never went hungry, but I could not exactly pig out either.

    Oddly enough, those three months of eating in a very structured way, changed my habits for good. I no longer felt the need to eat until I burst, to eat in order to feel good about the world, to eat just because there was food available. Food was no longer the boss of me. The fact that I dropped 8 kilos during those three months was just an icing on the cake I could not have. 🙂

    A couple of years later I got really into cooking and am now quite the foodie. I eat everything I want, but only if it is really good. I do not waste calories on junk if they could be spent on chocolate mousse or creamy pasta sauces instead. I am not saying that I am at my ideal weight or that I never have issues, but things are MUCH better than they used to be. I no longer have an abusive relationship with food, but a very pleasant one instead. All it took was a bit of abstinence due to the circumstances.

    And milk is good for you! 😉

    1. It’s funny you say about being a foodie – I’ve been considering going on a cookery course to learn how to make nice food and to appreciate tastes more and to see if this helps. I LOVE sushi, it would be great to be able to make my own.

      I have days where it all clicks and food is just food, sometimes I have a run of days where it all goes swimmingly and it feels like it’s finally changed and I’m losing my dependence on food but then something will happen and it’ll all go to poop again.

      The better days keep coming though so where there’s life, there’s hope xx

  2. If only it was that easy, Maiken!

    I have a really bad relationship with food and, after many a year trying to cut down and diet, I thought it would all be solved by surgery. Wrong!

    I lost 10st initially, but have regained 4st as I have a dilation and am looking into revisional surgery.

    If I’m full, I tend not to eat. But if I can fit something in, I will. Usually a burger or kebab. Funny how we never gorge on salads, eh?!

    Anyway, I’m rambling. Thanks for being so honest Ally, I can really sympathise with your issues and I hope we both find ways to conquer our bad relationship with food.

    All the best

    S

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