Wishin’ and Hopin’

I had a dreadful panic last night that I’d lost my shopping mojo. For someone who’s stopped shopping that’s probably not a bad thing but it is when lovely generous friends start asking what you would like for your birthday.

In the past I always shrugged and said ‘dunno’, because not only had I already bought everythingIcouldeverwantandmore but also because due to the underlying lack of self esteem (blah blah you all know the story) I never felt worthy of people buying me presents, I felt that these wonderful people giving me their friendship was already more than I deserved. I still feel like that now to be honest but I’m very glad to say it’s waning. Yesterday was different though, I didn’t have a clue what I could ask for because I’ve stopped noticing things to buy as much. I still see things and think I’d like it but my brain has stopped storing them up for the next pay day binge and so I was stumped.

After giving myself a talking to about 2012 being the year I start appreciating myself I sat down and made a wishlist on Amazon. It took a surprisingly long time and it was reassuring to know that my brain has gone from telling me that I need everything on the list to saying, ‘it would be nice if these come into my lives but if not I’ll live’. What a refreshing change!

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