At the age of twenty seven I was told I should think about what would need doing when the inevitable happened. The inevitable being me dropping dead before I turned thirty due to being super morbidly obese and having a blood disorder that increased my risk of thrombosis more than just being super morbidly obese usually does. I can still remember the day from my surgeon telling me that I was:
“At catastrophic risk of spontaneous fatal thrombosis”
Literally warned that I could drop dead at any moment, snuffed out like a candle just like that. And the worst bit of all is that it was all my own doing, nobody had sat me down and forced food down my throat as a way of dealing with things. In a nutshell I was dying and had I had not had surgery, I would not be here today celebrating my 30th birthday. Granted I am currently in a post operative state and so am spending the day at home alone quietly recovering and am not out drinking lurid cocktails and dancing round my handbag but it’s still a celebration.
More than that, today is a chance for me to say thank you. Firstly to my family the L-M-L-S-E clan for standing by me through everythingsand for loving me when I didn’t even like myself. Special thanks to Mama Ellert who brings the tiger out of the cage and goes in to battle when I don’t have the strength to fight.
Thank you doesn’t seem enough to say to Dr Mark Edwards the world’s most understanding GP or to Mr Shaw Somers the surgeon who saved my life but I think both of them understand the weight of the feelings behind that word and know how much they have changed the course of my remaining time on the planet.
Finally my friends, far far too numerous to mention because I am such a lucky woman but individually and collectively wonderful and understanding. It’s a scary thing to admit to your peers that you can’t cope with life but between them they (unknowingly) formed a massive invisible safety net to keep me from falling.
Today as a 30 year old it feels like time to put the hideousness and self doubt of my twenties behind and move forward safe in the knowledge that I am loved. Hard.
Happy Birthday to Me!