Cornflake & Loulabella Tie The Knot

After over a decade of waiting for Cornflake’s mysterious knee condition to heal so he could bend it enough to get down on one knee, the main event arrived and we hitched up our wagons and headed to Surrey for the most hotly anticipated wedding since William and Kate.

Ready to rock
I’m wearing a dress and hell hasn’t frozen over!

In the heart of Surrey, tucked away in a beautiful churchyard was St Mary’s Worplesdon the bride’s local church, so local in fact that her wedding car was parked there killing time before picking her up. The boys arrived looking very dapper and a little bit nervous, particularly Cornflake who went round the assembled guests hand shaking and hand wringing in equal measure. After mingling and settling into our seats it was time for the arrival of the bride who looked absolutely radiant, beyond beautiful. The service itself was heartfelt and personal and by the time it came to them saying their vows there were quite a few people dabbing at their eyes with tissues. Now having been a groom himself not so long ago, the best man Gav knew that he should have a tissue on hand just in case Cornflake got a little overwhelmed on the day. However it true banter fashion,  he couldn’t resist the chance to get a dig in and so this is the tissue he handed over:

Man The F*ck Up

They made it through their vows and the church exploded into rapturous applause as the Vicar invited them to give each other a big fat kiss. The weather held long enough for some photographs outside the church before champagne inside to celebrate the service.

The beautiful bride
The dashing groom, describing his heart palpitations during the service.
A rule for life
Something we can all live by…

At the reception Mg and I made a graceful entrance, having traipsed across the beautifully manicured lawn we ended up being rescued by the Toastmaster who let us in via the fire escape behind the jazz band. Classy. As an homage to the bride’s love of baking the tables were named after different cakes and there was much amusement that the two proper lads from uni were on the ‘Fairy’ table and the two gingers were on ‘Jaffa’. The meal was delicious however my pouch had other ideas and so I had to excuse myself to be sick after the starters which also brought on a nosebleed and scared the wits out of a lady in the toilets who clearly thought I’d been snorting coke off the back of the toilet. Clearly we had been designated the noisy table and so we wanted to live up to our name, running a book on the length of the best man’s speech and setting up a speeches drinking game involving buzz words. Everyone came up with a word they thought would feature in the speeches which went into a glass for selection. I drew my card and came up with ‘Cornflake’ (the groom’s name) and knew it was going to be game over…………. for someone else because I was driving and so had to designate someone to drink my fines for me. That’s a shame isn’t it! I had contemplated drinking and crashing on someone’s floor but having been sick I knew it would be a really bad idea to add booze into the mix. As it was, the main course arrived and I had a go at a few mouthfuls, still feeling ropey. The speeches started with the bride’s Father who must have mentioned Cornflake about a hundred times (sorry Chappers!) however I was finding it really difficult to concentrate as I knew that I was going to be sick again, and with everyone back in their seats I had no escape route. 

The best man Gav got up to do his speech and I knew I was in trouble. Last time Gav gave a speech at his own wedding I was already a few glasses down and so thought nothing of heckling him, I’ve never been allowed to forget it and so had been told I wasn’t to heckle on pain of death. He needn’t have worried because, whilst Gav was making the room roar with laughter I was busily being sick into a fruit bowl with Chappers stroking my back and trying to keep the attention away from me horfing my dinner up.

Thankfully my pouch relented and after missing the cutting of the cake to chuck up a few more times I bounced back and was on top form ready to dominate the dance floor with the rest of my urban family. Have you ever had so much fun that even though you’ve been sipping iced water all night in an effort not to spew again you feel like you’re drunk? That was me. I had one of the absolute best nights of my life, I felt confident, I felt happy and I felt like I didn’t care that people were taking pictures of me which were bound to be less than flattering. At one point I felt I had a proper sashay on and a twinkle in my eye.

This happened:

Having reached ‘Stage 4 of wedding tie’, Baywatch came on and Eugene started taking his clothes off…

Followed by this:

Stage 4 Ninja!

And then we all went out onto the lawns for what can only be described as Chinese Lantern carnage. What happens when you mix together drunk people, a windy night and fire? Well, someone’s hair gets set on fire, you narrowly avoid setting fire to the bride’s dress and you watch as several lanterns get stuck in the trees. The ones that did make it up into the night sky took wishes and dreams with them for the future.

Wish, wish, wish.

It was a beautiful day from start to finish and I felt honoured to be a part of it, a great start to my 2012 wedding season and an even better start to a long and happy married life together for Mr and Mrs!


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