Yesterday I had my quarterly catch up with my psychiatrist Dr Wigwam, a chance for him to ask me a set of standard questions and assess my answers before metaphorically patting me on the head and sending me on my way. His line of questioning covers the heavy hitters,
- How are you feeling?
- What is your sleep pattern like?
- How are you finding your relationship with food?
- What obsessive thoughts are you having and how are you dealing with them?
He always finishes with that one and always just says that one word because he knows I will snort and say “Nada. Zip. Bupkiss” because although relationships could cover a whole spectrum, we both know he’s talking about man on woman, bumping uglies, holding hands in the park type loved up shenanigans which I am lacking. My relationship with him is solid because I know that I can go in there, close the door and just let it all come tumbling out. My thoughts tend to splatter across his desk and like all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, he gets to put this Humpty Numpty back together again.
But not any more. For I have been officially discharged from the care of the Wigwam. He who makes me giggle by saying “one-ly” instead of “firstly” and who likes to talk to me about his love of gadgets. He has cast me aside into the world of the “normal” to keep taking the meds and keep on keeping on. I strutted out out of there like a Bee Gee (they strutted right?) with a grin on my face about closing the door on a certain chapter of my life. I’m not flying totally solo because although I’m officially no longer “on the books”, if things get tough or I want a medication review then all I have to do is give him a call.
Today I feel in a reflective mood, thinking back over the endless round of new psychiatrists and therapists and medications, all the way back to my time in the Priory a decade ago. I’ve always been open about my mental health however I think there comes a time when it starts to take a back seat, I’m not saying that it’s not still a huge part of who I am and how I see things, more that it’s time to stop chalking some of my behaviours and personality traits up to “being mental” and accept that good or bad they’re part of Ally as a whole.