In the ongoing attempt to better myself whilst getting a smaller arse, Mermaid and I went to our very first “Body Pump” class aka hell with added weights on Monday night. We turned up thinking we were just about on time to see that the entire class was there already and the only spaces left for us newbies was RIGHT AT THE FRONT BY THE MASSIVE MIRRORS. Ugh. I recently made the switch to some schmancy gym trousers made of magic fabric and decided to combine them with a strappy vest top in order to keep cool. I was wearing the least amount of clothing I’d worn in public for a very long time and there I was sandwiched between a rock (the big mirror) and a hard place (the other class members) which was making me want to run away and hide.
It was the first mixed class I’ve been to and I had to do some deep yoga type breathing to stop myself screeching and fleeing for the hills. The instructor was perky and friendly and gave us a swift run down on what equipment we needed – scary weights, scary weightlifting bar, scary chippy things, nice comfy looking mat (for a lie down??) and then it was time to get going.
Well. If there’s a quick route to making me feel like a Russian shot putter then it turns out Body Pump in the mirror is it. Oh god it was AWFUL. I may have been using the lightest weights but I couldn’t have felt beefier if I’d tried. I tried to stay focused on the instructor and on beasting myself rather than worrying that my arse looked massive but my god it was a struggle. If I wasn’t worrying about my thighs or about the weird dimples on my hips then it was my baggy arm skin when I was doing clean and jerk like an Olympic gold relied on it. Then of course I saw that, horrors I hadn’t shaved my armpits and my bad mood was pretty much sewn up.
One of the reasons I exercise is the promise of some lovely dolphins (endorphins) whizzing around my body for a while afterwards and yet I finished hell with weights, took one last glare in the godawful mirror, went home and promptly burst into floods of tears.
I never liked Flipper much anyway.