I love my friends and I love making them smile so whenever the chance arises, I pounce. If you know me well you’ll know that I don’t mind making a tit of myself for the people I love, doing a rendition of my Heather Small impression during Wedstock is a case in point. So when my lovely friend JudyJayFace mentioned that her favourite bit in Sex and the City is when Carrie is drunk at Vogue, my mission became clear. I rounded up some of my favourite ladies and we headed in to Central London to recreate it as best we could, without getting grappling hooks and balaclavas and breaking in to Vogue House. The weather gods were smiling on us and London was hot and sunny with only a few puffy little clouds scudding around the sky.
We met at Green Park laden with M&S goodies to start our afternoon sitting in the sunshine drinking wine, talking about everything and nothing in between, doing a LOT of laughing and fending off an invasion of bloody wasps, one of whom saw fit to sink his stinger in to Marlotte’s finger. How rude!
After a while the sunshine got a bit much and it was time to head to find shade (and cold alcohol) so we headed to the Gin Bar at the Serpentine for wine and people watching. Alright, that’s a San Pellegrino in my hand but I swear there was wine. The limonata just made it feel even more like a holiday and acted as a great wasp prison when the little fuckers got a bit rowdy. There was talk about hiring a pedalo but it was quickly dismissed for more wine (MOAR WINE), more chat and planning holidays for the single ladies where we’ll meet amazing men who’ll fall in love with us. We polished off another bottle of white and now nicely lubricated decided it would be the perfect time to be “Drunk. Drunk at Vogue!” en route through to meet Bear in Piccadilly. First we had to get there though… We set off strolling through Hyde Park, gossiping all the way before a little contretemps about where Marble Arch actually was, however even though the wine had kicked in we were in the perfect position for a stroll up Brook Street to the Holy Grail of Vogue House. Classy ladies that we are we were still sipping on our warm white wine out of plastic cups as we sauntered past some seriously massive houses, several Embassies, and then bumped into the zaniest looking tourists (like Zandra Rhodes mixed with Daft Punk and Lady Gaga) before I stopped for a little chat with the doorman at Gordon Ramsay’s Maze.
Me: (bounded up the steps, plastic cup of warm white wine in hand putting on my best Mayfair posh voice) “Excuse me, this is probably a very silly question but what is that building over there with all the flags?” (does vaguely wobbly one eye half shut point towards massive grey building)
Him: ‘That’s the American Embassy Madam’ with a smile and a little nod of his bowler hat clad head.
Me: “Knew it!” (wobbles off down the steps, with a swig of wine and a flourish)
Of course Gordon Rammers isn’t the only one who has a business in Mayfair and our reign of polite ‘terror’ (we were actually terribly charming and well behaved) continued unabashed with a quick pit stop to take a picture outside Claridges before hitting up Jo Malone and falling in love with the new Peony and Blush Suede fragrance. I ponied up the cash for a candle for a gift but am going to be ordering myself one because it is bloody gorgeous!Once the ladies of Jo Malone had waved us on our merry way we stopped via Vera Wang, “it’s all about the Wang” and drooled on the glass a bit. They snapped the lock shut when we approached but it turns out that’s because it was closing time and not because they judged us unable to afford La Wang. I mean, we totally are but they don’t know that.
We reached Vogue House and had a quick, rather self conscious after everything because actually it’s a little odd getting drunk and taking pictures outside Vogue House photo shoot.
Once we’d accomplished our mission we headed in to Soho for yet more wine. Teeny headed off to a restaurant review with the rest of us hitting up Gem on Beak Street for sustenance. A late night rendezvous with Teeny and her husband (!!) Bear saw us hopping on the last train back to the ‘Shire, where I flirted with the man I sat next to but chickened out of giving him my number and he is now untraceable. DOUBLE THUMBS DOWN AND LESSON LEARNT!
JudyJayFace and I have now decided we’d like to live our lives recreating movie moments. Our next pick is ‘Footloose’ and all I can say is ‘BAGGSY NOT WHEN HARRY MET SALLY’