Cressida & the Cucumber

I woke up late yesterday, drop kicked myself through the bathroom, and reached into my wardrobe for something to wear. 

My hand landed upon a peachy pink pleated dress that makes me swish my skirts and feel as though I should be called Cressida and be eating crustless cucumber sandwiches with the vicar. 

I flounced my way into the office and Cromp-Dog said “ooh I like your dress”. I was tickled pink (peach??) but did I smile and say thank you? Did I fuck. 

“Oh goddddd, this is so old. SO OLD. And it’s only Primark. £7!” 

It’s like when someone says “your hair looks nice today”, my stock response is “Thanks, I brushed it” like I’m some sort of Stig of the dump who usually walks around with a bird’s nest on her head.

It’s not just me though, it’s so rare to me to hear a woman gracefully accept a compliment that when one does, I can’t help but shoot a subtle side eye like “woah, she’s got tickets on herself”. Which I know makes me seem like a massive bitch but honestly it’s as rare as rocking horse shit. 

Is it just a British thing? I sit next to a Saffer at work and she’s forever exclaiming that things are “so bloody British”. It’s normally when we’re moaning about the weather or being overly apologetic and acting like wet wipes however. 


It’s not nice to be arrogant and come across like a stuck up bellend, but isn’t there a level of humility where you can flash a genuine smile and say thanks without being thought of as being conceited? 

I am the world’s worst person at accepting compliments but that’s largely because my self esteem is non existent and so the nobhead that cranks the gears in my brain likes to convince me that the person is swinging the lead but hey, that’s just my shit. 

I have been making a concerted effort to dish out genuine heartfelt compliments and feedback but from now on, if I get the stock downgrading response, am I allowed to smack them upside the head?! 


4 thoughts on “Cressida & the Cucumber

  1. The other one I struggle with is, ‘you look ‘summer-y’. Firstly, that isn’t a word. And secondly, what does that actually mean??
    A) I’m appropriately dressed for the beach, but highly inappropriately for the office?
    B) I’m very, very sweaty
    C) I’m dressed like a Hawaiian 🌺
    D) I look like a meadow
    E) I look nice?
    F) I don’t look nice, but my ‘summer-y’ outfit has taken you by surprise and you don’t know what to say other than ‘you look summer’y’
    Thanks, thanks a lot. I think

    1. Oh god yes! My summer look is either sweaty chub rub or desperately downing drinks to cool down (so therefore drunk).

      I mean there is a LOT to be said for dressing like a Hawaiian hula girl but not sure your boss would approve.

      Also, why does nobody ever say “you look wintry”? That’s seasonal discrimination.

      Maybe I need to dress like an Eskimo?

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