I like to think I’m a pretty chilled out person but banshee week rolls around and suddenly my skin takes on a green sheen and I start hulking out of my clothes. You can tell the more cross I am with you by the amount of times I smile and say ‘no problem’ when actually I’m thinking that you’re getting yourself a temporary place on my shit list.
Some of the things that get on my wick or have been there recently include:
- People moaning that they’re hot, BUT STILL HAVING ALL THEIR HAIR DOWN. Maybe it’s just me but as soon as the mercury rises the very first thing I do is scrape my hair up as much as is humanly possible.
- Men driving BMWs who refuse to merge in turn and instead keep barging their way through until you have no choice but to acquiesce or lose the front of your car. Wankers.
- Dust jackets on books. I take care of my books, I’m not a page folder or a spine bender but I always remove the dust jacket before reading. Then I mostly end up losing them and getting more annoyed.
- This one is totally irrational but he sent me a message, ‘Sorry I haven’t messaged. Hope you didn’t think I was ignoring you”. A polite message that deserved a friendly response, but the hormone gremlins inside my head were shouting ‘Just fuck off! I haven’t been sat round waiting for your text, don’t be so arrogant.’ Thankfully I managed to leave that as my inner monologue and not my outer moanologue.
- The entire iPhone photos schtick. I can’t be the only one who gets annoyed that you can’t make albums and move photos on your phone without having to plug it in and do battles with what seems like the most convoluted system on the planet.
- Women who refer to their partner as ‘the boy’, which seems to be the reserve of the basics on Instagram which makes it not too hard to imagine them calling him ‘Daddy’ in private which is creepy and weird.
- Poking people on Facebook – seriously, didn’t this die out with the ark?! Hello random man, electronically prodding me is not going to make me want to look at your twig and giggleberries so pack it in.
Am I alone here? Am I the only one who has inconsequential gripes which make them want to hulk smash things?