Stupid Cupid Part 2

I’d managed to get Cupid’s back up and now he was threatening to make me a lesbian. Sure I could have changed my password and locked him out but actually I was having such fun I was quite content to let him do his worst. Well maybe not his WORST. One thing is for sure, his flirting technique could use a little work but at least we were on the same page when it came to illegal substances. Just say no – you hear that Zammo?

9When Cupid found out I’d given my phone number to a gent I’d been chatting to on another website he started to get ideas above his station, going as far as asking if I’d given the fella his number so he could play along too. His explanation for that was because he’s ‘helpful’, and having looked at the questions he’d been merrily answering on my behalf, I was beginning to see what his idea of being helpful was…

Like a puppy that humps your leg.
Like a puppy that humps your leg.

And yet somehow, even with him fannying around behind the scenes trying to ‘help’ me find a man, the messages started to come in.

Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Cupid was rather indignant that someone could cast aspersions on ‘our’ (but really his, he answered the Romeo question!) knowledge of 16th Century English and so replied in what I’m learning was typical Cupid like fashion, and yes, he did just tell me off AGAIN for referring to it as ‘my’ type:

13Cupid and I stumbled across a profile from someone claiming to be happily married, err what now? Happily married and on a dating site? Do me a favour. Well Cupid didn’t think much of ‘Mr Happily Married’ and what he claimed to be looking for, or who I thought he looked like.

Down wiv da kidz.
Down wiv da kidz.

And then he played his trump card – his ability to message anyone he chooses whilst passing himself off as me.

16Bastard.

Stupid Cupid Part 1

In an act of potentially breathtaking stupidity last night I decided I wanted a male opinion on my newly created dating profile and so gave the login to my friend, henceforth known as ‘Cupid’ so he could have a squiz. I thought he’d log in and take a quick look at what I’d written before ribbing me mercilessly for being a huge dating site cliché and then leave it be.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. 

Imagine an overexcited child who is hopped up on sugar, crossed with a new puppy so excited it’s going to tiddle on the carpet and you’ll go some of the way to feeling what it’s like to be him with free reign on my account. First he wanted to answer the match questions on my behalf:

We'd totes have sex...
We’d totes have sex…

Then I got my first message from a potential suitor, but it became clear Cupid was too busy to reply…

Hot to trot? What am I, a horse? (Don't answer that)
Hot to trot? What am I, a horse? (Don’t answer that)

Then I got ticked off for doing something in my own account and I was beginning to think someone was getting a little carried away…

That told me...
That told me…

Cupid decided it was no longer just my account, it was OUR account and ‘me’ became ‘we’ as he started to settle in. Little did I know, he was just getting started…

Do I need a totem? #Inception
Do I need a totem? #Inception

He unleashed my ‘Quiver’ (I’m not really sure what it is either, but he’s right, it does sound a bit sexy) and my telling my Twitter followers about it prompted this response:

Ooh err!
Ooh err!

Is this the start of a flood of men sending love missives? (Probably not) In an attempt to take back some control I started doing a bit of window shopping and plucked up the nerve to send a message to a chap who took my fancy. And of course I let my ‘love sherpa’ know (as @Glitterlen described him) which prompted a text so hysterical I hurt my stomach from laughing so hard.

Guess Whoooooooo
Guess Whoooooooo

As someone who can be described as ‘fussy’, I was amused to see that Cupid is even pickier than I am and was rejecting men left, right and centre on completely spurious grounds.

I made the mistake of calling Cupid ‘stupid’ on Twitter, forgetting of course that he is omnipresent, knowing all and seeing all. This made Cupid cross and left me wondering if I’d made a gigantic mistake…

8
Do not goad Cupid!!